Want to be happy?
02.07.10
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: “Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.” – Dr. Wayne Dyer
Do you know what being truly happy is?
Have you felt what it’s like to feel blissful right through the core of your being…the innate joy, inner peace, compassion and unconditional love that you were born to know and feel? And, don’t you hate it when you meet someone that is?
Well, I’m one of them, and I hope you hang with me long enough to ‘splain myself, Lucy, because I believe happiness is a part of who we really are. We might just be a little stuck….
Being happy doesn’t mean one doesn’t get frustrated, angry, or get in the occasional funk. Those are all legitimate feelings.
The key is acknowledging those feelings, but not allowing them to create the negative self talk novel in our minds that festers and feeds on more negativity, and pretty soon creates our reality that interestingly enough isn’t even real, or the “what ifs” that never even happen.
In a matter of minutes, things are “really” bad. We imagine the possibilities that will come out of that situation. We place blame on ourselves or others. The self-sabotage kicks in, telling ourselves we’re not good enough to deserve to have anything different or better. The sad part is, it starts at a very young age, and our society is such that it feeds it.
Think about the messages we’ve been told for years: “Big girls/boys don’t cry” (suck it up and stuff your feelings)….”Children should be seen and not heard” (so we’re quiet because what we have to say isn’t good enough or important)….”No screaming, yelling or hitting” (don’t express how you feel)…..”Be polite” (fake what you’re really thinking)….”Better not do that, what would people say?” (not speaking your truth, or expressing your creativity)…..and my favorite, “Don’t be so silly” (what?!).
Now don’t offend yourself, thinking this is directed at you. I’ve caught myself saying those same things. I have wonderful parents, and they’ve said some of those things. Some of the people I respect most are guilty too. We all are. That’s our society. That’s what we’ve been taught. And it doesn’t mean it’s all of the time, or for that matter that it will always be. We do the best we can with each other based on what we know.
My intent is to bring enough awareness to the way many of us have grown up, and to see why we are so hard on ourselves, and don’t allow ourselves to be authentic and happy.
So with that in mind, now what do we do with all that stuff? For starters, CHANGE! Change the way you look at things. (Outstanding book by the way by Dr. Wayne Dyer, “The Power of Intention” Hay House publishing).
Out of any situation….ANY situation, you can find something positive, a lesson learned, a new direction, or a different way to look at things. Face your stubbornness. It requires looking within. Actually feeling (there’s that word again). What’s done is done. The past is the past, and the future hasn’t gotten here yet.
You have right now….this moment to change your thoughts. And thoughts become things, so choose the good ones. (That’s another tip from a great web page, www.tut.com). Did you do something horrible years ago that you are still hanging on to? Did someone do something to you? What you have is an opportunity to learn and grow from that experience.
Then, forgive. Ahhhhhh….now there’s a big word, “forgive”. That could be the most important thing you can do to get to that state of happiness. To forgive does not mean atonement. It doesn’t make what happened right. But forgiveness does release the bitterness and the cord that still connects you that feeds your resentment and anger.
Love yourself enough to forgive yourself. We all make mistakes. We’ve all hurt someone. We all have regrets. Now, change the way you look at those things. How did that help shape you into making better decisions now? What do you know to be true about yourself because of that experience?
When you are able to forgive, you are able to see the lessons learned and have gratitude for the opportunity to have grown. Forgive yourself. Then, forgive everyone else that you feel has done you wrong your entire life. Realize that people do what they do based on what they know. What good does it do to hold a grudge against someone over an event from years ago? That person may have a completely different spin on the events, and is quite possibly not the same person today, so why limit your happiness because of something someone else did? Why let old events continue to make you angry?
Forgiveness isn’t easy, but it can transform your life, releasing the stronghold of negative thoughts.
So start with this: Imagine the people you feel have done you wrong are attached to you by a cord that’s connected to your torso. Imagine also, the situations you have created in the past that make you unhappy or frustrated, and those too are connected by a cord to your body. Know that it is no wonder why you haven’t found that blissful state, as you are buoyant in a sea of resentment and anger. Now, either physically take your hands and wipe away, or imagine cutting those cords away from your body. Release them with light and blessings to whomever they belong to. Do this with the positive intention to gently release all that no longer serves you. And then ground yourself, allow yourself to be only in this moment of time, not hanging onto what is no longer a part of you.
Here’s a grounding exercise I learned from Chris Tonnar of Light Alliance [http://www.lightalliancehird.com]. Close your eyes and take three deep breaths. Breathe from your abdomen, allowing your stomach to go out as you take a deep breath in, and your stomach comes back in as you exhale slowly. Next, imagine a beautiful cloud directly above you. Beyond the cloud is a glorious ray of light. The light comes down through the cloud….through the top of your head….down the back of your neck and through the base of your spine (or out the bottoms of your feet). The light continues deep into the center of the earth and wraps around a beautiful crystal. As the light wraps around the crystal, it comes back up through the earth, through the base of your spine (or bottoms of your feet), along your back, neck and out through the top of your head, through the cloud and as high as you can imagine in the beautiful blue sky. Continue to do this as you coordinate it with your breath, exhaling down to wrap around the crystal, and inhaling up through your body into the sky.
This is an exercise that works remarkably well when you’re having a stressful moment. Take less than a minute (or much longer if you’d like) to ground, and you will immediately feel calmer, more focused, and have better clarity of the situation at hand. Try it! I’ve done this when something ticks me off. Rather than letting my thoughts take me away to something I’d stew about for a couple days, I ground, and amazingly release my former way of thinking and see the situation for exactly what it is at that moment. If it’s a thought that doesn’t serve me well, I let it go…I change the way I think about it.
This simple exercise can change the way you experience life. It can help you shift out of the negative thought patterns that you thought were a part of you. Try it every day when you first get out of bed. You may find, like me, that you’re hooked because it actually works.
Now dig in. While it’s a little work to peel back the layers of gunk initially, it is so very worth it to get back to who you really are.
You were born happy, and born to be happy. I believe that you are amazing!….magnificent!….and you have wonderful gifts to share! If you’re already there, good for you! Share that silly happiness with everyone you come in contact with. If you’re not there yet, work on it. You will be.
Trust that you are not alone, and don’t be afraid to ask for help, whether it’s from another person or a Higher Power, it’s all there for the asking.
I’m sure there will be more blogs posted on the subject of happiness, as I’ve barely scratched the surface. So stay tuned…and remember, if you gain anything you like from this site…cool, please share it with others. If you don’t, no worries, I appreciate your time spent in my thoughts.
With hope, gratitude and giggles…..
Deanna